


Of Love, Joy, Happiness, Sadness and Grieve

by Mistybear191



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Other, mental health
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 23:07:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 1,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29197332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mistybear191/pseuds/Mistybear191
Summary: Just some of my writtings:)





	1. Seven Things I've Learned From Your Death

**Author's Note:**

> Abit of a long one!

One.  
The saying is true.  
The first thing you forget of a person is their voice.  
I can't quite remember how you sound like.  
The tone of your voice.  
The sound of your laughter.  
Only phantom sounds can be heard.  
Its too soft to make out what it is.  
Not quite like how I thought I would remember how you sound like.  
How I wish I could hear your voice one more time.

Two.  
How to deal with my emotions.  
I thought I would be fine.  
That I would just move on.  
I couldn't.  
Isolated myself.  
Lost my appetite to eat.  
Cried every other day.  
Feeling lost and depressed.  
Move on, they say.  
It's just that easy.  
Move on.  
That wasn't true was it?  
I was stuck here.  
Alone.  
Just thinking of you.

Three.  
Of how scared of death I really am.  
The thought alone frigthens me.  
The mention of it terrifies me.  
We were talking one day.  
The next.  
You were gone.  
I wonder what it is like to be gone.  
Is it dark?  
Cold?  
Lonely?  
Death scares me.  
Like how much missing you.  
Scares me.

Four.  
That time heals everything is a lie.  
Time, what a fickle thing.  
It flies by us, leaving all but a shadow.  
A trail of memories that can only be kept.  
Knowing nothing of the future.  
The goodbyes we would say.  
So, no.  
Time doesnt heal everything.  
It is a lie.  
It has just made it easier to deal with it all.  
To deal with losing you.  
To deal with missing you.

Five.  
To treasure each and every moment.  
Funny it was your death that taught me that.  
Each moment so precious.  
So priceless.  
Just like the times we've spent with each other.  
Talks, laughter, singing, hugs.  
Nothing can bring those times back again.  
To be able to relive every little detail.  
Every special moment.  
If only we could.

Six.  
The questions that should not be answered, nor do I want to ask them.  
However, it makes me wonder.  
The hows, whys, when, whats, did and ifs.  
How did it happen?  
Why did it happen?  
What were you thinking?  
When did it happen?  
Did you think about us?  
If you were still here.  
So many questions running through my mind, needing answers to.  
None that I feel like I would like to know.  
Not how I want to remember you by.

Seven.  
That I think about you, all day.  
Everyday.  
I wonder whether you are proud of what I am doing now.  
Of what I have accomplished.  
Whether you are watching over all of us.  
That we talk about you often.  
How much we think and miss you.  
Guardian angels, up in the clouds.  
I hope that you are singing and dancing amongst the stars at night.  
Looking down.  
Smiling.  
Always in our hearts.  
Till we meet again.  
Missing you.  
Everyday <3


	2. Untitled One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe some one can name this piece for me :)

#  Untitled One 

# 

A beautiful soul.  
Torn and Tattered.  
Times that were spent.  
Hugs that were given.  
The soft Disney music playing in the background.  
The sound of singing.  
I'm glad your pain is gone.  
Rest well dear angel.


	3. Goodbyes

I've always hated goodbyes  


Never knowing what might happen after.  


The unknown it brought.  


Scared me.  


Goodbyes were inevitable.  


Just another learning curve.  


Another phase of life.


	4. Fickle Little Thing.

Life is such a fickle little thing.

One day someone is here.

The next, is not.

Rest in peace sweet one.

May you dance amongst the stars.

Sing amongst the angels.

Someday, we will meet in a better place.

Somewhere above the clouds.

Till then sweet one.

I'll be here treasuring all the memories.

See you.

Miss you.


	5. Untitled Two

She wore her emotions on her sleeves.

Was called too sensitive.

She treasured the little things in life.

Was compassionate to everyone.

Had the courage to try.

What she could not see.

Was that.

She was the treasure.


	6. Worth It

She wore her heart on her sleeves.

Trusted too easily.

Forgave too quickly.

Loved so readily.

Allowing others to break her apart.

Taking pieces of her. 

Faster then she could ever heal.

Through it all.

Scarred and afraid.

Torn and tattered.

She hoped that it was all worth the pain.

Because.

They were all worth it.


	7. Untitled Three

The soft whispers. 

The gentle touches. 

The sweet melody. 

She was his. 

He was hers. 

No more.


	8. Untitled Four

The boy was the first to ever notice her. 

Her hands in his. 

Soft whispers in her ear. 

Gentle kisses on the forehead. 

The feeling of butterflies in the stomach. 

Having her step out of her bubble. 

It felt nice. 

It felt new. 

It felt wrong.


	9. Untitled Five

The girl is quiet. 

Lying on her bed. 

Notebook infront of her. 

Pen in hand. 

Mind noisy. 

Writing is the only thing stopping her from a nervous breakdown. 


	10. Untitled Six

Everytime she smiled. 

The room would light up. 

Everytime she laughed. 

It brought joy. 

But all they saw was what she wanted them to see. 

Inside. 

Inside she was hurting. 

Constantly worried and scared. 

Feeling like the world was on her shoulders. 

A weight on her chest. 

The struggles for breaths. 

She closes her eyes. 

Composes herself. 

1\. 

2\. 

3\. 

As she opens her eyes. 

She smiles. 

She laughs. 

All an illusion. 

To hide whats inside.


	11. Untitled Seven

Reading brought her to places she could never be. 

Adventures she could never experience in real life. 

People she would never meet. 

It brought her peace and joy. 

Giving her the refuge she needed. 

Allowing her to escape reality. 

Expanding her imagination. 

Escaping for an hour or two. 

Even just for a few minutes. 

Made it all worth while.


	12. Untitled Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The untitled-ness continues XD
> 
> Continuation of Untitled Five

The girl is quiet. 

She is lying down on her bed. 

Notebook infront of her. 

Pen in hand. 

Her mind noisy. 

Writing is the only thing stopping her from a nervous break down. 

The girl feels conficted. 

Feeling nervous and scared. 

Heart heavy. 

She thinks about tomorrow. 

About her regrets. 

About the things said. 

The words that were exchanged. 

The girl turns on music. 

Feeling restless lately. 

Thoughts conflicting. 

The girl feels lost. 

Her therapist says to live in the present. 

But it is too difficult. 

She is terrified through it all. 

The girl is quiet. 

Feeling conflicted. 

She turns up the music. 

Hoping that it would drown out the thoughts. 

Feeling lost. 

She has a decision to make. 

But which is the right one?


	13. Untitled Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't ever forget that feeling not ok, is ok <3  
> Continue brave one.

It may be difficult to get up from bed. 

Wanting to lay in bed and hide. 

The world seemed darker than usual. 

The light looking dim. 

Sighing deeply. 

Getting up. 

Starting the day. 

Of school or work. 

The light may not seem bright today. 

But you had the courage. 

To get out of bed. 

To get ready. 

To get out of the house. 

Afraid as you may be. 

Anxious and not sociable. 

You getting up. 

Is a testiment to keep going. 

No matter how hard it may be. 

How dark it may look. 

How dim the light seems to be. 

Dear one. 

The light is still there. 

Because you had the courage. 

To hope. 

To dream. 

To love. 

To get up. 

To not let the dark days win.


	14. Untitled Ten

No one could see how much she was drowning. 

And she was. 

In the middle of an ocean. 

Head deep under. 

Water filling her lungs. 

Gasping for air. 

No one could hear her cries of help. 

As she splashes. 

Trying to keep afloat. 

Chest aching. 

Heart racing. 

Just like a panic attack. 

Helpless. 

And alone.


	15. When a loved one commits suicide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Check in on your friends, from time to time.
> 
> Context:  
> So, it was a Friday in school. Half the class was acting really off but I didn't think much of it. Still healing from the loss of family members and a close friend from a heart attack, just months prior. 
> 
> The cohort was called into a lecture hall and it was just announced that a close friend of mine committed suicide.
> 
> Of course all of us who knew her would have liked that the announcement would have been done differently.
> 
> But of course, there were alot of what if and blaming.
> 
> She was the sweetest soul, you could see how fiercely she loved and cared for those around her. Even though we weren't in the same class in year two, she never failed to scream my name across the corridor and run to me for a hug. She gave one of the best hugs. She would learn the dances to the soundtrack of Disney Descendants and would sing those songs with me. 
> 
> Missing her everyday <3
> 
> Treasure those around you. Those you haven't talked to in a while, check up on them. Those that you are close to, say hi, ask them how they are too!
> 
> You have no idea how it could make an impact on their day/ lives.
> 
> You're never alone in this.

When a loved one commits suicide. 

It feels like your own heart has stopped. 

In denial you try to contact them. 

I remember the day I was told of your death. 

I took the hand of the person next to me. 

Held on to it like it was a lifeline. 

Holding back tears. 

Feeling completely numbed. 

Not wanting to believe what we were just told. 

When the tears finally came. 

So did the questions. 

Why did you do it? 

Was there anything I could have done? 

Why didn't I see the signs? 

Depression is a shape shifter. 

A conman. 

Someone that we couldn't see. 

That I couldn't see. 

You looked so happy when we were together. 

Smiling. 

Laughing. 

Hugging. 

I was wrong. 

When a loved one commits suicide. 

It feels like your own heart has stopped. 

How I wish that it was different.


	16. Untitled Eleven

A light in the world went out the day you died. 

The slit of a wrist. 

A rope hanging from the ceiling. 

An open window. 

A bottle of pills. 

What were you thinking when you did it? 

Why did you do it? 

Did you feel completely alone? 

Did you feel like you were a burden? 

Was it easier to believe that ending it all would have been the best? 

A light went out in our hearts the day we lost you. 

I wondered how I could have done something more. 

I wondered how it happened. 

How much you were hurting on the inside. 

But appeared completely fine outside. 

Did you feel scared? 

I wished you knew you weren't alone. 

Or a burden. 

That we were all here for you. 

That I was here for you. 

A light went out in my heart the day I lost you. 

I miss the days we talked. 

The times we've hugged. 

All the times you were there for me. 

Holding my hands as i had a panic attack. 

That despite how much it hurts missing you, 

I'm glad you're in a better place. 

A light in the world went out the day you died. 

I just wished you knew how much you meant to me.


	17. Untitled Twelve

It hurts to think of you leaving, but i know its for the best. 

Don't forget that I love you. 

And I wish you the very best. 

I'm so proud and happy for you. 

Hold on to your dreams.


	18. Untitled Thirteen

She plugged her ear piece in.  
Heart heavy.  
Eyes watering.  
Turning up the music.  
It is maxed.  
She can still hear them.  
Friends of thirteen years.  
People she grew up with.  
They're just talking to each other.  
About things only they know about.  
Alone.  
Alone once again.  
Pushed aside like a rag doll.  
Can't they see that she is drowning?  
Struggling to keep her head above the water.  
Struggling for breath.  
Drowning.  
They just keep talking to each other.  
Leaving her all alone.  
Alone in her mind.  
Drowning.  
She stands up and walk away.


	19. The Last Bow

She thought they were a family.  
Thinking that she could trust them.  
All time and effort wasted.  
Just in a matter of seconds.  
Words exchanged.  
Tears shed.  
It is not that she meant for such things to happen.  
But she understand now.  
No matter how hard she has tried.  
It will never be enough.  
But when is enough ever enough?  
When is the time to leave ever the time?  
We all have our demons.  
She is trying so hard not to let hers win.  
We can never please everyone.  
Therefore.  
Standing up.  
She says.  
It has been a pleasure to have known you.  
To have laughed with you.  
To have sang with you.  
As I take my final bow.  
I apologise.  
I thank you.  
For being my escape.  
For being my friend.  
For being my family.  
Thank you.


	20. Untitled Fifteen

There be days like this.  
Nothing ever prepares you when someone you love passes.  
Minutes turns to hours.  
Hours into days.  
Days into weeks.  
Weeks into months.  
Months into years.  
It seems like a lifetime ago that we were sitting at the table.  
Cracking jokes.  
Teasing each other.  
Music playing at the background.   
Time.  
Time is such a funny little thing.  
Time morphs and passes by so fast, I do not seem to notice.  
There are days, weeks, months, years that it still hurts, knowing that you are gone.  
I hope that you are proud of me.  
That you're smiling down at me.  
I miss you sweet one.  
We all do.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Feel free to comment and like!  
> Always looking for ways to improve :)  
> Thanks for taking time to read some of my written works!


End file.
